The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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