when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
