just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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