You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the liver wants what the liver wants
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
