I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
