I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
