guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bring money and cleavage
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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