I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
