i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
