Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
