so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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