I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
