well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
