Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This baby is an asshole
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
