I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
