Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
