i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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