i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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