Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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