You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
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I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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