i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
