just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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