I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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