Me too!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
