I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
