don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
