today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
