i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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