Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
