You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
