overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
