How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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