he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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