So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
