So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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