I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
