As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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