she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
