still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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