Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
