I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
