he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
