Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
