someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
