Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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