I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
