I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize