I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
