Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
