when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
