I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
