it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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