you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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