she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
