I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
