Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't deserve a penis
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
