I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
