we made out on top of his cat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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