its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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