I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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