thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
