Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
