a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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