he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
