nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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