can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
