You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
