my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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