apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
