i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
