If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
