I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize