help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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