I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
