He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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