i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
