my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
