Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
