They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
