If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
