you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
