dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
