I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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